My resolutions are to dance, loaf, and not go on any diets.
This year, I’ve decided to be realistic.
Happy new year! May 2012 bring you much joy.
- Women In Rubber
Happy Ending Revealed May 25, 2011
You never know when a small bit of grace will hit.
Perhaps during something quite mundane – like walking to get the mail. So we’ve gotta be ready to receive it at all times. This just means paying attention.
Seeing this poster on the fence across the street made my day!
So glad that Fern’s family bothered to tell us the happy ending.
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Duck Sex Stops Traffic April 26, 2011
Spring is in the air! The other day as I was out for a walk, I noticed the traffic stopping, with no real reason that I could see – until I came around the front pickup.
A group of ducks were doing it in the middle of the road. (The Beatles live!) You can click on this picture to make it bigger. Check out the priceless look on the dog’s face.
More ducks came running across the street to join the orgy. The waiting cars piled up, with some drivers at the back of the line growing impatient.
I couldn’t help laughing out loud. I can hear the radio traffic announcement now: “Sebastopol: slight holdup on Pleasant Hill Road due to duck sex.”
When the folks in the hindmost car realized what the holdup was, they started laughing too. The weather was warm enough that their windows were down, and our laughter rang out all down the street. Some cars honked, but those ducks weren’t about to budge until their business was done.
Laughter now; baby ducklings in future. This little delay in traffic flow was a good moment.
Beautiful Allergens June 21, 2010
Once I was camping on an offshore island in the Atlantic when we learned a big hurricane was due to hit. Being a westerner with experience in earthquakes but not in hurricanes, I felt great trepidation about this. We listened to emergency radio broadcasts so we could determine where our location was along its path, and decided to hunker down there rather than risk the ferry ride back over open sea to the mainland.
It turned out that the storm had begun to turn aside a few hundred miles below ours on its path out to sea, so we only got smacked by the tail end as it curled on by. But holy cow, even that was unbelievably windy and wet. I was sleeping outside in a zipped-up bivy sack, and at one point it felt like I was parked beneath a waterfall; like someone was standing directly over me and dumping buckets of water out right above my face. The hurricane’s power was awesome and the experience the fodder for some great complaining adventure tales. (As all travelers know, the most miserable experiences make the best stories – after they’re over.)
Later, back in a town, someone pulled up satellite images of the hurricane. The point I’m getting to is that when we got to see the storm from the perspective of above instead of in the middle of it, my attitude toward it changed. When seen as a whole entity, this hurricane was an enormous creamy white and blue moving spiral, like a galaxy made of water. I was awestruck. If I had to die young, I thought, a person could do worse than to be done in by such glorious beauty.
Yep, this is the one! Hurricane Dennis, 1999. (Image: Wikimedia commons)
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As above, so below; in the small the great. Relatively few of us get smacked by hurricanes, but many of us suffer from allergies.
Now the magic of electron microscopy can show us the beauty in this as well.
Sailing the tiny seas, “Micronaut” Martin Oeggerli has found a way to capture these gorgeous photos of pollens, showing us a glimpse into one of the remotest ecosystems left to explore.
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Forget-me-not pollen (Image: micronaut.ch)
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Sea Pink [Grasnelken
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Daisy pollen (Bellis perennis). (Image: micronaut.ch)
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What is pollen exactly?
To put it in simple terms, pollen is a seed plant’s equivalent of pre-ejaculate and sperm. (If you’re shocked, go further and ponder Loren Eiseley’s mind-blowing notion that flowers invented sexual desire as we know it! But I digress.)
Pollen consists of powdery grains and a hard shell that holds them; you can imagine it as being sort of like a capsule vitamin. The pollen grains (microgametophytes) produce the male gametes or sperm cells, and the pollen shell protects the sperm cells while they’re being transported from flower to flower. The pollen grows on a flower’s stamen (the part in the flower’s center that sticks out like a penis, capped by the anther), and are taken by bugs, birds, winds & sniffing noses to another flower’s pistil or carpel, the the equivalent of a yoni with its ovary buried deep inside.
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Flower parts (Image: www.uic.edu/classes/bios/bios100/f05pm/lect15.htm)
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As nature loves to experiment, pollen grains show as much diversity in their sizes and shapes as mammalian penises. Some pollen grains are equivalents of whale or horse penises, large and smooth; others like cats’, small and barbed. Some pollens are shaped like balls; others like coffee beans, dragonfly heads, or doughnuts, all of which can be witnessed below:
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Petunia pollen grain (Image: micronaut.ch)
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Babiana (S. African plant) pollen grains on an anther. (Image: micronaut.ch)
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Pine tree pollen
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Pollen grain from an Akazia or Myrtle Wattle (Photo: micronaut.ch)
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You might think that the prickery looking ones would cause the worst allergies, irritating the sinuses. But surprisingly, some of the smooth ones are terrifically allergenic to humans. Witness the Alder tree’s pollen:
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Oeggerli’s photographs, more of which can be seen at his site, www.micronaut.ch, offer this small consolation:
Pollens might make our noses miserable, but hey, at least they’re beautiful.
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Birch pollen grain (Image: micronaut.ch)
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Audre Lorde on original authority May 31, 2010
Among the arcane delights in my tiny cottage are a fat file of poetry admired & collected over the years, and another fat collection of photos I’ve taken myself.
Here begin the artistic sandwiches.
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What If? – (The Million-and-First Meditation and the Last)
What if we smashed the mirrors
And saw our true face?
What if we left the Sacred Books to the worms
And found our True Mind?
What if we burned the wooden Buddhas?
Gave the stone Buddhas back to the mountains?
Dispersed the gurus with a great laugh
And discovered the path we had always been on?
What if we told the Saviours
We were saved from our first breath
And the healers — If you could heal yourselves
All would be healed?
What if we washed clean of Authority’s ordure
And smelled the fresh smell of our own bodies?
What if, as Eve eating the Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge,
We knew the “Patriarchal Curse” a mere natural thunder
Bringing Eden a cleansing rain?
What if, in the lightning’s flash
We saw there were
NO
Mirrors
Sacred Books
Buddhas
Gurus
Saviours
Healers
Authority
And Knowledge was standing stark under the sky
Feet naked to earth
Eyes there for whatever light falls.
What if –?
– Audre Lorde
irresistable m4w ad May 3, 2010
It’s three in the morning, and I’m shopping for men.
This is pathetic. Instead of REM dreaming I’m cyberdreaming: bleary-eyed ogling of grainy 15-year-old profile photos featuring long-vanished physiques and hair, hoping for a heart blitzkrieg.
Mate-hunting like this is natural behavior – well, in a machine-mediated, anonymous-stalker sort of way. But I still find this mode of ‘meeting’ people disconcerting. How do I know somebody else didn’t dress them for their photos? How do I even know the pictures are of them? And what’s their scent like? These are pretty fundamental.
Although I felt dubious about the whole affair – er, that is, endeavor, I checked out a great number of m4w (men seeking women) personals ads on five different dating sites, and even responded to a few. My ultimate decision? A monastic life might not actually be so bad.
Here’s a composite m4w ad you won’t be able to resist. It’s compiled of actual bits from actual ads I felt actual hope about, briefly. Now the rest of you grrls – married, single, gleefully queer – can share the m4w cyberdating experience. I did not make one line of it up. (I did, however, fix a LOT of spelling and grammar. Just imagine what it was like before!)
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I’m Available Again Line Up Ladies! (m4w)
Romeo seeks Juliet –an looking for true love an no drama im here waiting. I heard about [this dating site] and thought.. Shirley This Must Be A Sign!
Firstly, I should tell you I am an attractive, slime, 50 year old virgin looking for a girlfriend in female form. A girl with money for dating, maybe more. A big gril four a kiss when i get home and how your day and its ok. Now I have gone on lots of dates with women over the years but I haven’t got any yet.
Now I can whip anyone’s butt in plant ecology. One third of my masters thesis was on plant ecology and female botanists may be beautiful but I know plant ecology and related subjects better such as soils and hydrology and climate better than anyone. —oh and I will mention I am a big expert on frogs and western pond turtles. I really probably am number one in the world on solar ovens and they are great but high performance ovens require some skill to build. I could talk about solar ovens for days. I am really sweet.
I have previously answered ads, though I have’nt posted. So , amidst great skepticism on the forum, I post for the first time. My skepticism is in the validity and integrity of the posts herein, as my responses to previous ads have just calloused me, as I laugh at the variety of different perceptions lie herein. When I do get responses the women are out of shape & meat eaters to boot.
I am an executive, I am a forklift enthusiast. I am not actually 50. I’m nearly divorced. Stocky. Love kids – I don’t have any although I have a cat. I work alot. I don’t have money and have had a shoulder injury, divorce and other finacial set backs that have taken a heavy toll. Living on an unintentioned comune in the woods. Three ex-wives, disabled verteran, three grandsons and I have herpes. But with hard work I’m sure I’ll pull through.
I really do hate my life. About 2 days out of 7, I want it just to be over and done with. Many of the women on dating sites seem to be very happy with their lives. They’ve reached middle age and they have family, dogs, lots of friends and money to travel with. If this is you…GET LOST! I want someone who knows what it’s like to SUFFER! Daily, weekly, monthly, yearly….decade by decade. On the other hand, I’d prefer it if you weren’t taking Prozac! I’d rather you were managing your misery thru natural means.
My friends would say that I am clever, quick whited, honest, cuminicative, sentsitive, humorus, work in my yard or just being David. I’ve been overseas several times to explore other cultures, and feel thats important trait.
Generous lover (she always comes first and often). I love to please allmost as much as I love to be pleased. I love being a good fiend and/or lover. I will show you a fine cheesecake. I’m glad my tool is not a monster, freaky size.
Let me tell you a few things about myself and some of my opinions: I want to have a billion dollars and a submarine. Dogs are filthy and disgusting. I like 70s midget porn. I won’t wine you and dine you because I think dating’s stupid.
If you’ve read this far I should say my body is 6’2, 200# full lips, indoor feet, clean cut and boy nest door looking. Smart, Whitty, knows the difference between “to” and “Too”, “They’re”, “Their” and “There”… i like to walk and go in the park to. Don’t enjoy being bored most of the time.
You: Fun. You look good; you have perky boobies and a nice booty. Nice assets. In fact, I am not really interested in dating a woman with less than D size breasts. No mutts need apply. No redheads. You’re are not into my brand new bimmer (I don’t have one). I don’t really care about your age (please be under 45 a man has to have standards). If you like world peace, Toaism, butterflies and dolphins, we’re off to a good start. Must have truck, boat, good dog, decoys, can call and don’t mind cleaning ducks. Shaven Armpits and Legs a must. I tend to prefer single and must say that I am most attracted to someone who is STD free.
Do you think you’re ready for me? LETS HAVE A GLASS OF WINE? DAY TRIP TO HARBIN? a SHARKS GAME? wARRIORS? Lets try a go to a sinphony toghether. If you want to camp, All the better. I have a 3 bedroom tent. So if you dont like me you can have your space. NO FARTING IN THE TENT GIRL, Or else. I’m a fit loving guy, Please be real. I’m not going to baby you.
I’m casting out the line… let’s see how go the bait/bites are. I know your reading this. If you cool with me hit me up lets talk. Cough your hairball up but keep it under 5000 words, please. Your photo begets mine. Will send you MINE BLESSING TO YOU. Ciao for now. If you are still reading this I am amazed.
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Scrounging Free Food April 19, 2010
Money tight right now? One of my strategies has been to become an opportunivore.
While I can indeed exist on rice and beans, PBJ, and such, I do not really enjoy such meager repetitive fare day after day, being a spoiled-rotten American who loves to eat. Plus I’m a woman of A Certain Age, which means well past the I-can-thrive-on-Top Ramen,-no-problem stage of life. However, like many of you DIYers, I am resourceful. I can bake my own bread from scratch, make and home-can my own applesauce and cider from nearby Gravenstein apple trees, make yogurt from a little starter bit, cook up some mighty fine roadkill, and brew cordial from stolen pears or green walnuts. At the ground of this success is Coyote, Raccoon and Magpie medicine: walking the path of the Scroungemeister.
Here are some recent gleanings.
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It’s Spring in Sonoma County! This means abundant greens for the taking. Here you see salad makings from a few minutes’ picking from my back yard: plantain, young dandelion greens, and (pictured below) my absolute favorite: miner’s lettuce. Sweet crunchy yumminess wildcrafted from a gleefully neglected lawn.
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Most folks would call these delicious edibles “weeds.” Ha! Go ahead and think that way. Pay $6 a pound for mixed salad greens that were picked Demeter knows how long ago. All the more free, extremely fresh salad for those in the know, like my neighbor pictured below wearing a sourgrass-eating smile.
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Around here, late winter & early spring means rain, and besides mud and flood, rain means mushrooms! Yahoo!
These are Elfin Saddles. They’re so weird looking that even if I get there after lots of other mushroom hunters have plundered the chanterelles and porcini and other charismatic megafungi, I can generally find them.
Pungent Slippery Jacks are the same way: easy to come by because not only are they not the most choice to taste, they’re kind of scary to the eye with their slimy tops and spongy chartreuse underbellies. But both they and Elfin Saddles taste darned good when sauteed up in an omelette with butter and garlic. (Of course, linoleum would taste good if sauteed up in enough butter and garlic.)
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(Disclaimer: Please do not eat wild fungi without knowing exactly who they are! As the old saw goes, “there are old mushroomers and bold mushroomers, but no old, bold mushroomers.”)
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Then there are human sources of free chow. We live in an incredibly rich and wasteful country, even now with the empire’s economy tanking. I am amazed at what abundance I can glean from a late-night trip behind a grocery store. Among other delicacies, I’ve found green vegetables like broccoli and lettuce, onions, perfect tomatoes, fancy cheeses, bread, oranges, blackberries, and a few lovely flowers for the table. Once I even found coffee beans.
Pictured here are the results of one brief foray last summer. Most of it is organic. All I had to do was pick off some withered outside leaves, cut off small bruised portions of certain fruits or pick out and toss the few berries that were beginning to mold, then wash everything I wanted to keep. This is not very different from what I do with produce I purchase.
Dumpster diving is an eye-opening urban sport. I find it quite a mixed bag. Some grocery stores guard their garbage like it was diamonds, locking it up behind high fences. Others, like our local Whole Foods, have it out in the open but wrap the 20 or more full cardboard boxes in wide, heavy plastic wrap, making them hard to get into and also adding unnecessarily to the Pacific garbage patch. I feel sort of torn about this: I want to advocate that the company knock it off, but in doing so, I’ll out myself as one of those nocturnal divers who desecrates it! After all, how else would I know about it?
Out of my samplings from our area, I rate Oliver’s Market in Cotati to be the best. At times, I’ve found grocery carts thoughtfully placed outside the back door near their dumpsters, with slightly bruised or close-to-expiration but quite edible food arranged in them for easy and clean picking. They get Indigenize’s Green Scouts award for this out-of-the-norm ecologically sound, rebellious, and kind practice.
If you decide to dumpster dive, please be extremely respectful.
Do not leave a mess. Put anything you don’t want back into the boxes, preferably not placing squished or rotten bits on top of edible food. This makes it easy and pleasant for the next diver. If you empty a box, either take it with you or flatten it and place it with the other cardboard recycling. Pile the boxes back up the way you found them, and close them up again. If you cut into that execrable plastic wrap, put it back over the top of the hole when you’re done so the contents do not fall out, making the garbage people have to clean things up after you.
These small attentions will make it more likely for the store to continue to turn a blind eye to our scrounging – which, after all, contributes to our full, happy bellies and wallets, to a healthier ecosystem with less waste and smaller landfills, and to the businesses’ bottom line as well, as there’s now less trash they have to pay to remove. 
My little gleaning pales next to the hauls that David Cohen finds. His “Dumpster Dividends” (see example on right) are Olympian in magnitude. How many people would it take to eat that much? I struggled to give away one boxful of tomatoes.
That’s another good thing about scrounging: even in strained financial times, a big windfall like this can turn you into Ms. or Mr. All-Providing Beneficence. Would you like some fresh organic strawberries? And as we know, a hand that’s open to give is also thereby poised to receive. Good things come when energy in all forms, including food, flows freely.
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There’s something very satisfying about finding and making our own foods and medicines for free. Not surprisingly, an increasing number of folks are trying it out. After all, it’s part of our heritage: gatherers, hunters, and fisherfolk have done this for thousands of years! I hope this post has inspired some good scrounging experiences to come into your life. Please share your own stories and tips.
The roadkill recipes will have to wait for another post.
